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Wednesday, 11 November 2009

  • Excavation

    I used to think I was contagious; convinced my darkness, my sickness would infect others.  So people were kept at arms length.  It was for their protection, I told myself.  Everything I touched turned black.  It oozed out of me.  I tried to cut it out, bleed it, starve it, purge it, drug it...  It coursed through my veins, it was entwined in my DNA.  It was cruel and unforgiving.

    I waited... for someone to come along and rescue me... for my real parents to show up in their UFO and take me home... for that soulmate supposedly everyone had... for my secret twin sister separated at birth... for whoever it was that would finally "get me".

    Somewhere along the way, while digging through the rubble of my shattered self, I realized it was me who had to get me.  I had to be my own saviour.  It was like Dorothy realizing she'd always had the power to go home, and I was profoundly stunned by the simplicity of it all.

    I want to go back and hug that kid.

Monday, 28 September 2009

  • Wow. Two months flew by.

    Last time I blogged, it was on the anniversary of my cousin's death.  In a week, it will be her birthday.

    Mercury will be out of retrograde soon, then I can sign the lease on our new apartment.

    We are moving to Long Beach.  The official move-in date is Oct. 8.  I am starting the process of packing.  I should be really good at this (by my count, I've moved approximately 30 times in my 37 years on this earth).  The hardest part, I find, is getting good (and by good, I mean free) moving boxes.

    I'm listening to RUSH, going through old photographs, finishing up half-done projects I've been meaning to get to all year.  It's good.

    As mentioned in my last blog, I had a hysterosalpingogram done, which showed that my tubes are clear.  However, again they saw that dense shadow in my uterus... so I had a hysterosonogram done (another terribly uncomfortable procedure) and we discovered whatever it is, it's actually hitching a ride on the outside of my uterus.  That's good, because it shouldn't interfere with getting pregnant, but I can't help but wonder what the heck it is.

    Nikki is still in the process of writing her dissertation.  I was so hoping she'd be done by now.  Just a few weeks more, I pray. 

    Back to work, now.

    Hope all is well out there with all of YOU. 

     

     

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

  • Blogging from my Crackberry

    Seven years ago today, my cousin Sarah died of a drug overdose. I started blogging here not long after that. Her death changed me, changed my whole family. I wonder who I'd be today if she had lived. How I wish she could have seen her beautiful niece, Maya. Maybe she can.

    I'm not much for blogging today, but I felt like I should. I think she's the reason I found Xanga, and all the people I've met here, for better or for worse. But it's all for the better. Isn't it? I see where I am today, and every single thing that's happened, every single interaction has brought me to this moment.

    I'm crampy tonight from a procedure I had earlier today - a hysterosalpingogram that I'll write about another time - and, like a little kid, I've been wanting ice cream ever since. So my loving wife is taking me to Coldstone and a movie.

    Hope all of you are having a spectacular evening.

Thursday, 09 July 2009

  • Got me some sexy ovarian follicles.

    But my uterus has an unwelcome occupant.  Hopefully it's just a fibroid.  I'm trying not to think it could be anything else.

    It's just a fibroid; that's my mantra.  A small one, says the doc.  About a centimeter.  We'll know more once we do the hysterosalpingogram.

    I like the doctor.  A lot.  In fact, I liked him from the second I laid eyes on him, and anyone who knows me would know why.  I mean, just look at him. 

    werlin3

    Who wouldn't want to sit down and talk to a guy who looks like this?  He's a cross between Albert Einstein and Jerry Garcia, for fuck's sake.  He's got stories to tell.  And he's got 20+ years of baby-making under his belt.

    He's got quite the obsession with the Rolling Stones.  He made me laugh during the transvaginal ultrasound:  "See that thing there in the middle?  The thing that looks like Mick Jagger's lips?  That's your uterus."

    I've got a list of labwork to be done, names of sperm banks, and lots of math to figure out.  Intrauterine insemination isn't as expensive as in-vitro insemination, but it ain't cheap.  In all likelihood, I'll also take a drug called Letrozole for ovulation induction.  But that's all down the road a few months.  First I need to get through all the tests and such. 

    One step at a time.


    As promised, here are some pics of our trip:

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    Driving up, we saw windmills.  Hundreds of them... as far as the eye could see.

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    Entrance to the resort.

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    View from our room.

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    My lovely wife and the huge jacuzzi tub in the background.

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    I forgot to mention the roses.  Aren't they gorgeous?

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    Good times. 

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    Just outside our front door... the firepit and hot tub.

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    A rare and shameless self-portrait.

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    Desert road leading us home.

    Tomorrow is Nikki's birthday and we're going out in LA with some friends.  I may not get a chance to update until Sunday, so here's to a great weekend, everyone! 

Wednesday, 08 July 2009

  • I do believe I may just win Wife of the Year.

    Aside from the jackass who fondled me in the bar, our anniversary getaway weekend was extraordinary.

    I took Nikki to an exclusive resort in Desert Hot Springs, CA, and because time is of the essence (I need to get ready for work), I will bullet point the highlights:

    • Sex, and lots of it, was had in various locations.
    • There was a lovely fruit and chocolate arrangement, as well as champagne on ice waiting for us when we arrived.  We killed that bottle the first day, and another one on Saturday.
    • We ate at the most amazing restaurants in Palm Springs, packed full of gay and lesbian patrons like ourselves.
    • We soaked in the mineral pools and managed not to get sunburned.
    • We relaxed and left behind the madness for awhile.

    It's fucking hot in the desert, BTW.  Which of course, everyone knows.  But it's one thing to know it, and another to experience it.  Crap, it's hot.  I honestly don't know why anyone would live out there, or how in the world any living creature can even survive there...  It made me think of Elsa

    In addition to the stellar weekend trip, I scored Coldplay tickets for Nikki's birthday present. 

    Like I said, that Wife of the Year trophy is mine

    Pictures to come, as well as an update regarding our trip to the fertility doc.  Hope everyone's having a fantastic hump day!

     

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